“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us”. ~Joseph Campbell

I Just celebrated another birthday — a good thing. A true blessing for which I don’t take for granted.

I quit my job after 17 years. I am single. I don’t own my own home. I have roommates. I own a very large dog. My body suffers from aches and pains, in particular my fingers. Ya my fingers, what the heck?! Most of my friends don’t live near me and I live in an obnoxiously young city (not obnoxious if you are 30 years old). I travel alone. I spend enormous amounts of time alone. Something, that if you are not practiced at, can make for a very unhappy life.

All these things are what they are; not a tragedy, except, it looks NOTHING like the life I had planned. My other life consisted of a job that I went to everyday with a happy heart, not one that gave me heart palpitations in the middle of the night, it consisted of a love that lasted forever, it consisted of a home filled with noise and laughter and enough land for chickens and perhaps a few goats. My body would continue to be strong and youthful. Yet, so much has come to pass.

How does one make peace with a life that looks nothing how you imagined?

I am not sure, but I can tell you, that if we don’t find a way, we end up with a life that is filled with resentment, an attitude of woe is me, and deep unhappiness and dissatisfaction and even more sad — a life unlived.

“Aging means the abandonment of criticism and the taking of compassionate acceptance.” ~ From the book The Story of Arthur Truluv

I don’t want to live that way and I am sure that neither do you.

Stop wasting precious time regretting what is done.

I realized that my life was not going to be exactly as I envisioned — some aspects are somewhat in resonance to that which I imagined, but mostly it is quite different. The most challenging part has been not being in a relationship for quite some time now. I love being married, even if divorce does not make it appear that way. As humans it is our nature to want companionship. It is a law of nature, we are not meant to live in isolation.

So I ask myself where do I go from here? I can sit around being eternally regretful, not an option. I can stay stuck and not travel because I am alone, not an option. I think about my sister who died at 52, who longed for so many adventures, longed to live. I think about my precious and beautiful niece, a poet who dreamed big dreams and at 27 lost her life. I think about my friend Peter who passed just recently – too young, always the eternal wanderlust who wanted to go with me to Thailand and a future trip to Senegal. I think of my friends beloved husband, one day healthy and just one short year later gone — leaving behind a beautiful life and people he loved.

How dare I? How dare I spend one second feeling sorry for myself because life did not pan out exactly as I imagined. So this is my life — I am single, but happy and joyful, my home has roommates which brings noise and laughter, I have my dog, a faithful and good companion who brings me laughter and love, I have beautiful friends who want to spend time with me. I now have time. For the first time in my life, I am not getting up at 5:30am to commute an hour in traffic to work. I have time to explore other passions and ideas and even plan for a new future.

We can easily fall into the trap of sulking over what we don’t have, what we’ve lost or what we didn’t attain. Why not choose to be grateful for the way things worked out.

I personally, can be grateful for how much more adventurous my life turned out than I ever imagined. I can be grateful for all that I have learned along the way simply because I was alone. I can be grateful that I chose to be brave and leave a job that did not lift me up and fill my soul. I can be grateful for all the people that come into my life daily. I can be grateful for the abundance of continued lessons that make me wiser.

Choose to be grateful my friends, just because it opens the heart wide. Gratitude expands and does not take away. It brings light and vision to each new day. Gratitude heals and redefines our purpose.

Gratitude not only heals you, but it heals the world around you. It connects you, on a deeper level, to living a life well lived.

With Love, Light and JOY ~

Maria