“Whatever we are waiting for – peace of mind, contentment, grace, the inner awareness of simple abundance – it will surely come to us, but only when we are ready to receive it with an open and grateful heart. ” ~Sarah Ban Breathnach

On a very cold and bright January day long ago, I loaded my giant dog and my car with all that I would need to live in Maine for the winter. Most would say, “ugh, Maine in winter — are you crazy?” But, considering that six months earlier I left my job of 17 years for good, I guess that crazy is a bit my style.

I have loved Maine for so many years. I do believe at the core of my heart, that in another life, that was my home. For every time I visit, I feel this innermost connection. As if every time I arrive, I have come home to a place that I only know to be good and safe.

That being said, Maine welcomed me with a flat tire on that cold sunny day. An hour from my destination I hear the dreaded blup, blup, blup and I knew my tire was way flat. Pulling over on I-95 where the semi’s seem to drive at a 130 mph, I pull over and call my road side assistance. Very sweetly she asks if I can get an Uber (haha) so that they can tow my car to a tire place. Being that I had a horse size dog in my car and I was in the middle of nowhere – uh no! Not to mention that my trunk, where the spare donut was, was filled ever so carefully like a puzzle where all the pieces interconnect, to the absolute brim. So much so, that when I opened the trunk, a bin fell out spilling my bathroom essentials onto I-95. Luckily at that point a state trooper had pulled over and stood behind me so that I could safely unload my trunk allowing the roadside assistance to change my tire.

I was unshaken by all this and the fact that now I was going to be driving on a dark dirt road. As it turns out just off the exit there was a tire place, where they just happened to have one and I say one because its clearly a miracle — one tire that fit my Honda Civic. Oh I forgot to mention that I was driving a Honda Civic, which is not at all conducive to Maine winters but thats a whole other story. My determination to find meaning in my life, yes, yet again, was what drove me. The promise of quiet and time for discernment in the middle of an isolated Peninsula where most of its residents leave for the warmth of Florida, was so alluring that I would not be deterred or mildly discouraged.

You see I went there to find God. Yes, I know he is everywhere and with me all the time but I knew in Maine, where there were no distractions, I would find him waiting for me. Waiting to teach me what I still needed to learn about this year and how taking a leap of faith was simply not enough and it would absolutely not guarantee me anything at all. I knew that in the silence of the tall trees in the forest, the dark grey waters of the ocean, I would hear him. I would hear him and I would also hear my own heart speak to me.

I was waiting, not really sure for what, but I knew there was something and I was expectant.

Since that time in 2018, I have gone back many times, created memories and deep friendships. Living in Maine that winter gave me the space to ground myself and deeply look into what kind of life I wished for. Peaceful that was what I craved and needed. In 2020, I moved to a dirt road in upstate New York, where again I found that life was slower, quieter, more isolated just like in Maine. Moving is something I have done so very often. I don’t enjoy it at all, but every move has prepared me for something in the future. I lived in upstate for a few years and two years ago while just living my life with no expectations, I met a sweet Belgium who was visiting family and friends. We met on Labor Day weekend of 2023. I had gone reluctantly to a dance with a friend (for about a year I had joined a group of people who met weekly for dance lessons), he went to the dance with a friend he was visiting. As soon as he took my hand, I knew that I was supposed to meet and know this man. Then I asked if he lived in the area and he said, “oh no, I live in France.” Well of course I then thought to myself, “maybe I am wrong about this meeting.” I obviously was not deterred by the giant ocean that separated us or the fact that he was going back to France in three days. I asked him to meet for lunch and we had dinner instead on Monday. Two years of dating long distance has brought me to today, my life in France.

On September 15th, international movers came to pick up my life packed into 20 boxes. 20 boxes of all that was left after all of my previous moves. On the 17th, I drove with my dear niece Veronica to Austin, TX in order to spend some time with Jon and Kelsey and give them my car. On September 28th, I flew to France to reunite with Philippe and my dog Jax. Our home is in a small village in the countryside, very similar to where I lived. I know still that in the quiet of my life, is where I meet with God. No longer do I attend church in a building, but I find him in the forest and in the quiet of open fields, in the singing birds and in the people that I love. I find him in the quiet moments in the early morning where the fields are surrounded by fog. I find him when I am cooking, or walking, or reading while my dog sleeps on my lap. I find him and I know that he is always near, no matter where I am.

Life is completely unexpected. While we are living, anything can happen at any given time. When I reflect back on my life, Maine taught me so many lessons. Anything is possible, hold no expectations, don’t be too attached to any one outcome. Just when you think you are settled into a life, and that nothing new will arise, you have a chance meeting in a honky tonk in  community lodge with a stranger from another country and all of a sudden you are living a new chapter of the life you thought was finally settled.

I guess the lesson here is life is never done with teaching us new things, a new language, a new culture, a new home and the ability to start over again and yes, even to fall in love again. May we all have the opportunity to surprise ourselves with the ability to not just start over but to also see how absolutely capable we are at it.

With Love, Light, Joy and deep Hope,

Maria