“I give you this to take with you: Nothing remains as it was. If you know this, you can begin again, with pure joy in the uprooting.” – Judith Minty

Three years, that is how long it has been since my last post. I am not sure where I went, but this I know, I was living some aspect of life.

I have learned that the only thing in life that is permanent is impermanence. My mother used to say that nothing in life stays the same — nothing good or bad.

I am not quite sure what happened except for pointing to a few life changing events; I moved out of NYC, Covid 19, and the passing of my beloved mother.

In December of 2020, I was living in NYC, working from home, as rents kept skyrocketing, forcing me to rethink my life. My son had moved to Austin, Texas and I had, to that point, lived with a string of roommates in order to afford staying in NYC. I am not sure when it all stopped spinning and I sat staring around me wondering, as I neared 60 years of age, if this was the life I wanted.

For as long as I could remember I wanted to live upstate New York. I knew from my many jaunts and hikes that something about the mountains, nature and quiet created a soothing calming effect deep within me. I was a NYC girl, never believing I would ever leave the noise, the subways, the constant aliveness of the city. Yet something was shifting. I was still single and moving upstate would be cheaper and at the same time fill something within me.

I found a small cottage to rent on a dirt road, my friends thought I was crazy going from one extreme of living in a loud city surrounded by people to the absolute sheer vastness of farm lands and rural living. Upon my arrival on move in day, I stood looking at the long dirt road surrounded by fields of well, nothing. Nothingness, that is what was there and exactly what I was yearning for and perhaps, given what lay ahead, just where I needed to be.

My mother was one of the most grounded people I’ve ever know, perhaps even the most grounded. Her life was not easy but I am happy to say that the last of her years were peaceful, joyful and full of so much love. When I think of my mother, I think of strength, I think of faith, I think of God, I think of someone who understood that life was full of pain at times but in gratitude we are redeemed because no matter how bad our circumstances can be at any given time, there is always something, something to be grateful for.

My life has changed so much in the past three years. It has been neither good nor bad. It has been continuous. So much has changed and so much has stayed the same. I have changed. My moms passing left me filled with so much gratitude for the gentleness of her journey to her next life. It also left me feeling untethered in some ways. The process of grieving took its course and I allowed for each feeling, moment and tear. I have grown.

Nostalgia is a funny thing, it makes you think that there is sadness in missing something, but the truth is that with the passing of time, we will long for certain things, feelings, people, and moments that no longer exist but it also allows us to reflect on all the goodness in our lives. Nothing stays the same. We are born and we will all die, but it’s the in-between, the actual living that holds all the little fragments of our lives and keeps us going for as long as we can. It is important to make it count. Whatever that looks like to you.

My dears, do not be afraid or hesitant of the passing of time. Yes, it may appear that time is passing ever so quickly, but whatever you do, just go live. Live in the moment, live in today and take it all in, for today is really all we have.

With Love, Light and JOY~

Maria