“Ultimately the bond of all companionship, whether in Marriage or friendship, is conversation.” ~ Oscar Wilde

The older I get, the more I crave language, the language found in conversation, writing and in reading. As we become a world thriving in technology, I yearn for more connection.

Humans by nature long for connectivity. That’s why community, from very early in time, has been not only important but necessary. The phrase “it takes a village,” is rooted in working together; being a part of something greater than ourselves.

Building a structure is infinitely more productive when you have various people building together, rather than just one person. It not only speeds the process, but gives us other people to watch out for mishaps and mistakes. When I was in Thailand and Cambodia, as a group we helped build a bathroom for a clinic. The process done, all by hand, took on the quiet of a well orchestrated symphony as we took turns in dragging rocks, mixing, and passing one brick at a time so that the last person could lay it. This act of working together in the hot sun yielded not just a structure, but a sense of family as we worked together to produce one thing. At the end of the day we all contributed to the greater good of people we would never meet. The connection we felt made us all emotional and lent the understanding that, together we could do so much more than working alone.

In this age of easy access to send out a message of thought via text, we lose sight of the need for true human connection. Of late, when I catch myself texting someone, especially if it lends to more that two sentences, I will call the person. I am remiss to say that I am not guilty of extending myself in a more authentic and available way, but I want to continue to change that.

At this moment when I am away from home, and all my loved ones are not near, I yearn to hear their voices; to have a conversation and hear about their daily musings.

I remember when I was a High School student and even younger passing notes in class to friends — though quite annoying to my poor teachers, this was the root of conversation in writing. So many things transpired with those notes — what to do for lunch, who would we see on the weekend, what boy would we check off a yes box for a temporary dating situation. It was so simplistic and yet a real way to engage with people.

The art of writing and its mechanics will one day be completely extinct, thanks to the states efforts to banish this beautiful form of art and communication. Penmanship has been taken off school curriculum along with learning to write script. When I first learned how to write all my letters in script, it was like I had just been giving a gift of relaxation. I would spend hours practicing all the possible surnames of future husbands. Curling all my letters was such an elaborate and simple joy. How sad that one day a whole generation will not be able to write script but will also not be able to read it. It will become a lost language.

I still keep a journal that is hand written, I still send notes to people just to say I am thinking of you. The response from them is, “your note just made my day. Thank you for thinking of me.” And that’s really it, a note says, you are thought of, I know that you exist and I am so glad. I remember receiving a card from a friend who had moved and she wrote about a time that we had shared, she even clipped an article about Cuba for my upcoming trip — I cannot tell you how precious that was to me. I felt so genuinely connected to her as she recounted a time we’d spent together and also her tips on a country I’d be visiting. She made me feel cherished.

There is a simple sweet joy in sitting with someone with a cup of tea and just talking about life. Hearing them tell you stories about themselves. This sharing and communing lifts you. The ability to store away distractions and genuinely sit with someone and being intent on this time is so healing. When I visit my mom or an older friend who lives alone, I truly feel blessed by my time with them. Knowing that I can visit an elder who lives alone and probably doesn’t have many visitors throughout the day brings me joy. Listening to their stories from long ago, is not just good for them, it is so very good for me.

I have learned so much from listening to clients, friends and strangers. When I travel, I love meeting new people just for the sake of “what can they teach me today.” Every single person contributes to this life with their own experiences. Their experiences can become our lessons when we take the time to listen and engage.

Communication whether, written, verbal or in a simple and gentle touch, is what makes us human. It is not just a way to get things done, it is also our way to remain a part of something bigger than ourselves. It is an extension of humanity that keeps us not only vested in our own good but in the good of the broader world.

Isolation does not serve anyone and as technology continues to challenge the way we communicate, we must be careful not to become complacent in letting go of things of the past that served us well. We must remember that from the beginning of time humans have sought each other out to build communities, families and a sense of belonging.

Look up, look around you, reach out — let yourself be fed and feed others with your presence. Take in all that we have to enrich each other’s lives.

With Love, Light and JOY ~

Maria

“Whatever you do be gentle with yourself. You don’t just live in this world, or your home or your skin. You also live in someone else’s eyes.” ~Sanober Khan

Staring in the bathroom mirror, I push my hair back and disclose my face. I want to look at it lovingly and kindly. What I see is a fifty something year old woman who probably should not have spent so much time in the sun. A woman who is trying to be authentic but still be conscientiously caring. It is so easy to be cruel. So easy to be disparaging when you see all commercials for yet another facial cream that promises you the skin of a much younger woman. Let’s not mention that most, if not all these aging facial cream commercials are done by twenty year old models. Of course, we feel its an uphill battle or a downhill gravity one if you think about it.

It is easy to see the beauty in others as we harshly examine ourselves. I comb my thinning hair, and see the soft crinkles around my eyes. I see a face that no longer has the firm chin and jaw structure that once, not too long ago, did not have the soft hanging skin. I want to be loving. I want to look back and say “it’s all good,” you are still lovely. But, those words or thoughts rarely come out. What comes out usually is “oh my goodness, what the heck is happening?”

It all started with menopause, and not understanding the physical, emotional and physiological changes that I would endure. It is not something people speak of with enthusiasm; instead it is spoken about in hush tones as if the very verbalization of it, will bring on sudden and unwanted symptoms. I watched my sisters and friends go through it and no one spoke about it. It was just this thing that took over like a cruel punishment for all the youth we’d been privy to and dared to enjoy. It is a silent ghost that came on and we prayed would just vanish just as quickly. Thank goodness, there is now information on psychology journals that talk of this manifestation and what it means not only to women but to the men in their lives. I urge you to read about it. Especially the male partners whom have no clue as to what is happening to their women. It will lead you to understand why she is emotional or temperamental or tired or not interested in intimacy. This is not just something that happens to women without any direct impact on her husband and even children.

The more we understand, the more empathy and compassion we have as we see the clock ticking and the passage of time and not to mention our mirrors.

So, I turn off the light and walk away, trying very hard to be compassionate, to still see the hidden beauty. Often we don’t take the time to truly appreciate our body, skin and youth while it is present. It is sad, to think how much we take for granted and how we rarely take the time to be grateful for those things. Being able to love yourself at every age is challenging but the fact is that with each passing day, we get older and wouldn’t it be lovely to feel so much self-love that all you feel is gratitude for what you see in the mirror.

I want to be brave and I want you to be brave. I also want us to be kind to ourselves as the years come to take what it takes naturally.

Tenderly love what you see and appreciate the glorious generosity of time.

With Love, Light and JOY ~

Maria

We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope. ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

Hope: A desire of some good, accompanied with at least a slight expectation of obtaining it, or a belief that it is obtainable. hope differs from wish and desire in this, that it implies some expectation of obtaining the good desired, or the possibility of possessing it. hope therefore always gives pleasure or joy; whereas wish and desire may produce or be accompanied with pain and anxiety.

Hope, for some may seem fruitless. A wishful thinking perhaps, that may never see the light of day. In a broken world, how do we inspire hope, grasp onto hope, sustain hope?

I recently spoke to a young woman who was pondering about the future; in particular about finding love. The kind of love that last forever. Musings about marriage and if this is even possible in the vast concrete streets of New York City. A place with so many people always rushing about, always staring at their phone whilst walking. Completely and sadly unaware of all the magic around them

But, it’s not just about love. It’s about work, it’s about purpose, It’s about political climate, it’s about life. There is a common thread of deep insecurities and anxiety leaving people feeling that this moment, right now, is as good as it’s going to get and it’s far from good. Along with this perception, is also a feeling of being trapped and a deep resonating hopelessness. Life can seem harder, scarier, and a happy and peaceful life may seem fleeting to some.

You listen to the news and it is not difficult to feel despair and a sense of hopelessness. It is a mess. An ugly mess –with sporadic moments of goodness. It often feels as if the bad outweighs the good.

When it comes to the future, we are all filled with some anxiety about some aspect of it. We are, as humans, so unsure of any outcome. Life can feel very out of control. This overwhelming feeling of lack of control causes insecurity and hopelessness. Our state of affairs, nationally, is enough to cause fear and anxiety. So much deprecation, so much hatred, so much division. As a nation, in deeply ugly times.

But, here is the thing, without Hope, what do we have……..nothing. We have chaos with little resolution. We have fear with no walls for protection. We have problems that may never be solved. We have prayers or wishes that will never be answered.

Studies show that people who have some foundation of faith, tend to be more hopeful and have less stress over an uncontrollable future. People who have Hope, tend to sleep better, have a sense of calm about them, and tend to be more positive. Overall, they have an internal understanding of things that can not be seen or touched, but rather felt. It’s not that they are living in a fantasy, it’s more that they can step outside of fear, ugliness, despair and sorrow and keep the light inside themselves burning. Faith is not tangible, it is a spirit and soulfulness that lives deep within us. Faith can be within reach to help us bring calm to our souls if we can trust in something that can’t make promises and cannot be seen.

Faith leads to Hope which leads to Peace. A Peace within us that transcends understanding but can be felt at the core of our being. It will quietly accompany us during questionable times, like a reliable old friend. It will soothe us and in return, we will share that light with others. This light in you, will shed light for others to walk in and this is how we might spread light in a dark world.

With Love, Light and JOY ~

Maria

“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us”. ~Joseph Campbell

I Just celebrated another birthday — a good thing. A true blessing for which I don’t take for granted.

I quit my job after 17 years. I am single. I don’t own my own home. I have roommates. I own a very large dog. My body suffers from aches and pains, in particular my fingers. Ya my fingers, what the heck?! Most of my friends don’t live near me and I live in an obnoxiously young city (not obnoxious if you are 30 years old). I travel alone. I spend enormous amounts of time alone. Something, that if you are not practiced at, can make for a very unhappy life.

All these things are what they are; not a tragedy, except, it looks NOTHING like the life I had planned. My other life consisted of a job that I went to everyday with a happy heart, not one that gave me heart palpitations in the middle of the night, it consisted of a love that lasted forever, it consisted of a home filled with noise and laughter and enough land for chickens and perhaps a few goats. My body would continue to be strong and youthful. Yet, so much has come to pass.

How does one make peace with a life that looks nothing how you imagined?

I am not sure, but I can tell you, that if we don’t find a way, we end up with a life that is filled with resentment, an attitude of woe is me, and deep unhappiness and dissatisfaction and even more sad — a life unlived.

“Aging means the abandonment of criticism and the taking of compassionate acceptance.” ~ From the book The Story of Arthur Truluv

I don’t want to live that way and I am sure that neither do you.

Stop wasting precious time regretting what is done.

I realized that my life was not going to be exactly as I envisioned — some aspects are somewhat in resonance to that which I imagined, but mostly it is quite different. The most challenging part has been not being in a relationship for quite some time now. I love being married, even if divorce does not make it appear that way. As humans it is our nature to want companionship. It is a law of nature, we are not meant to live in isolation.

So I ask myself where do I go from here? I can sit around being eternally regretful, not an option. I can stay stuck and not travel because I am alone, not an option. I think about my sister who died at 52, who longed for so many adventures, longed to live. I think about my precious and beautiful niece, a poet who dreamed big dreams and at 27 lost her life. I think about my friend Peter who passed just recently – too young, always the eternal wanderlust who wanted to go with me to Thailand and a future trip to Senegal. I think of my friends beloved husband, one day healthy and just one short year later gone — leaving behind a beautiful life and people he loved.

How dare I? How dare I spend one second feeling sorry for myself because life did not pan out exactly as I imagined. So this is my life — I am single, but happy and joyful, my home has roommates which brings noise and laughter, I have my dog, a faithful and good companion who brings me laughter and love, I have beautiful friends who want to spend time with me. I now have time. For the first time in my life, I am not getting up at 5:30am to commute an hour in traffic to work. I have time to explore other passions and ideas and even plan for a new future.

We can easily fall into the trap of sulking over what we don’t have, what we’ve lost or what we didn’t attain. Why not choose to be grateful for the way things worked out.

I personally, can be grateful for how much more adventurous my life turned out than I ever imagined. I can be grateful for all that I have learned along the way simply because I was alone. I can be grateful that I chose to be brave and leave a job that did not lift me up and fill my soul. I can be grateful for all the people that come into my life daily. I can be grateful for the abundance of continued lessons that make me wiser.

Choose to be grateful my friends, just because it opens the heart wide. Gratitude expands and does not take away. It brings light and vision to each new day. Gratitude heals and redefines our purpose.

Gratitude not only heals you, but it heals the world around you. It connects you, on a deeper level, to living a life well lived.

With Love, Light and JOY ~

Maria