“We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out.”
~Winston Churchill

Words matter. They can build or destroy. It is truly our choice the language we choose to use. Choose your words wisely my dears.

The other day I was was at a public pool and while in the changing room a harried mom said to her seven year old “you are so stupid” — it hurt me to the core. I flinched at the ferociousness of her words as if I was that seven your old. I could not help but say with tears in my eyes and a gentle tone to the mom “words matter” and she said to her daughter “well you must be stupid because you can’t get it right. The mother just rolled her eyes at me. My heart snapped in two as her friend or companion looked at me and mouthed embarrassingly “I know”, as we both understood and felt the damage that was being created right before our eyes. A future story that had no truth in it but would feel like the truth for years to come.

This brings me back to this little angel girl. She will not forget those words as long as she lives. They will be who she might even become. They will dictate her own language and the way she see’s herself in this enormous world.

What story will she tell the world?

It is a story I have heard so many times. From students, clients, family members and friends. It is even a story I have told myself and have heard my son speak. It’s the story of failure, self-deprecation and inflicted wounds of the soul.

The good news is my dear sweet souls — we can change this story. Yes, it’s true and it’s not that hard to do. The power of our words is equally great on the flip side of our beliefs. We have the power to change our story at any time of our lives and as many times as we want. I have a young client who recently told me she is dating this wonderfully handsome and kind young man. She doesn’t trust it. Or, better yet she doesn’t trust herself in it. She was sharing how when she is enjoying time with him, she is filled with self-doubt which leads to doubting his true feelings for her. He, of course knows none of these thoughts and goes about happily as she is filled with anxiety and doubt. Her story, as she tells it; “well you know he is so great and I am just a weirdo with social anxiety and I am pretty sure he will figure it out soon, so I may as well run away before he does!” All this self created. Somewhere along the way she learned this idea and just cannot shake it off. Not only can she not shake it off, she is clothed in it head to toe.

Her true story; she is one of the most beautiful, smartest, kindest souls I’ve ever met. She is eloquent and has depth and a wonderful sense of humor. But, her other story is the one that she see’s as her true story and that is what we work on…….Changing her story. That night, after having left him in a moment of panic, I encouraged her to change her story. To tell herself the story where she is lovely and smart and beautiful. She tried it and called him and invited herself to visit him and he was overjoyed and welcoming. Changing her story allowed for a different outcome. One that she could not imagine. And just like that, she is now telling herself another story each and every time. She continues to practice this theory and she says that to her surprise the outcome is usually a positive one and though she is often filled with anxiety, she continues to work on changing her negative story to a positive one.

Practice:

* When telling yourself a story, ask yourself is this story furthering or not?
* Will this story make for a positive outcome?
* Will this story fill me with love or loathing?
* Will this story produce good feelings or sick feelings?
* Will this story enhance or deter?
* Will this story build dreams or destroy them?

We are creatures of habit and sadly not all good ones. But, we also have a huge capacity for learning, building and starting over. It is NEVER too late to change your story my friend. I do it almost daily and so can you. I believe in you!

Dare to change your story and see what magic can happen!

With Love, Light and Joy ~

Maria