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The Story you tell Yourself Matters!

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“We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out.”
~Winston Churchill

Words matter. They can build or destroy. It is truly our choice the language we choose to use. Choose your words wisely my dears.

The other day I was was at a public pool and while in the changing room a harried mom said to her seven year old “you are so stupid” — it hurt me to the core. I flinched at the ferociousness of her words as if I was that seven your old. I could not help but say with tears in my eyes and a gentle tone to the mom “words matter” and she said to her daughter “well you must be stupid because you can’t get it right. The mother just rolled her eyes at me. My heart snapped in two as her friend or companion looked at me and mouthed embarrassingly “I know”, as we both understood and felt the damage that was being created right before our eyes. A future story that had no truth in it but would feel like the truth for years to come.

This brings me back to this little angel girl. She will not forget those words as long as she lives. They will be who she might even become. They will dictate her own language and the way she see’s herself in this enormous world.

What story will she tell the world?

It is a story I have heard so many times. From students, clients, family members and friends. It is even a story I have told myself and have heard my son speak. It’s the story of failure, self-deprecation and inflicted wounds of the soul.

The good news is my dear sweet souls — we can change this story. Yes, it’s true and it’s not that hard to do. The power of our words is equally great on the flip side of our beliefs. We have the power to change our story at any time of our lives and as many times as we want. I have a young client who recently told me she is dating this wonderfully handsome and kind young man. She doesn’t trust it. Or, better yet she doesn’t trust herself in it. She was sharing how when she is enjoying time with him, she is filled with self-doubt which leads to doubting his true feelings for her. He, of course knows none of these thoughts and goes about happily as she is filled with anxiety and doubt. Her story, as she tells it; “well you know he is so great and I am just a weirdo with social anxiety and I am pretty sure he will figure it out soon, so I may as well run away before he does!” All this self created. Somewhere along the way she learned this idea and just cannot shake it off. Not only can she not shake it off, she is clothed in it head to toe.

Her true story; she is one of the most beautiful, smartest, kindest souls I’ve ever met. She is eloquent and has depth and a wonderful sense of humor. But, her other story is the one that she see’s as her true story and that is what we work on…….Changing her story. That night, after having left him in a moment of panic, I encouraged her to change her story. To tell herself the story where she is lovely and smart and beautiful. She tried it and called him and invited herself to visit him and he was overjoyed and welcoming. Changing her story allowed for a different outcome. One that she could not imagine. And just like that, she is now telling herself another story each and every time. She continues to practice this theory and she says that to her surprise the outcome is usually a positive one and though she is often filled with anxiety, she continues to work on changing her negative story to a positive one.

Practice:

* When telling yourself a story, ask yourself is this story furthering or not?
* Will this story make for a positive outcome?
* Will this story fill me with love or loathing?
* Will this story produce good feelings or sick feelings?
* Will this story enhance or deter?
* Will this story build dreams or destroy them?

We are creatures of habit and sadly not all good ones. But, we also have a huge capacity for learning, building and starting over. It is NEVER too late to change your story my friend. I do it almost daily and so can you. I believe in you!

Dare to change your story and see what magic can happen!

With Love, Light and Joy ~

Maria

Mindfulness for Healing

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“The key to knowing joy is being easily pleased.”
― Mark Nepo

What is all the rage with Mindfulness?!

The truth is that mindfulness is nothing new. Buddhist and yogis everywhere  have been practicing mindfulness far longer, than the “now” trendy groups, want to admit . It is not a new “thing” it is in fact an ancient practice — it just seems that we are now understanding just how very much we need it. Therapists, like myself, and wellness centers across the nation, are observing the longing for a centeredness and groundedness.

Our world is spinning at a rapid speed and so is our mind. We live in a constant galaxy of stimulus coming at us. With technology at our literal fingertips all day long, we are at a constant hyper alert to all that goes on around us. No longer do we commute and just wait to go home and turn on our television to find out what is happening in the world — it is in our face all the time, as we travel about our day. We set up alerts for everything, news, calendars, dates, emails,Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, even alerts to visit or call our parents etc… There is no more waiting to be in the know. We cannot escape it! We don’t speak to people to know what is going on in their lives — we just look at their Facebook and decide which of the icons we want to press….like, love, wow or sad, without ever really having to speak to anyone.

What?!!! Mindfulness?!!! Where?!!!

So let me slow you down for a bit.  Put your phone down, turn off the television or radio. Look around you, what do you see? What do you smell? What do you hear?

Stop holding your breath and just breathe.

As much as we enjoy and find benefits to our ability to have things quickly and immediately, we are all suffering from sensory and stimulus overload. Suffering an increase in anxiety that is causing us to say, “what is happening?” We are exhausted, anxious, and always in a rush. Overloaded calendars with little time dedicated to the self. So, there is mindfulness.

What exactly is it?

mind·ful·ness
ˈmīn(d)f(ə)lnəs/
noun
1.
the quality or state of being conscious or aware of something.
“their mindfulness of the wider cinematic tradition”
2.
a mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.

Many people are utilizing this tool as a means of bringing a sense of calm and order to their lives. Understanding that life cannot be stopped but that we, as individuals, can stop ourselves in order to catch our breath, regroup, find stability, and focus.

You don’t have to run out and find a mindfulness center or a therapist, but it helps to have some one guide you as to the principles, especially if you are not familiar with this method of finding ground and center.

There are simple ways to start:

*There are several Apps ( yes, I hate to say it – on your phone or iPad) such as Calm, OMG meditate, bNirvana. All guided meditation. Many are free and there are many more. Starting with just a few minutes in the morning is helpful. Please don’t think you have to twist yourself into a chanting pretzel for an hour (leg cramps, stiffness, and pain are a real thing – seriously!) Start slow. The point is to do it gradually so you enjoy it and want to return to it.

*Start your day reading a meditative devotional. One of my personal favorites, Mark Nepo’s The Book of Awakening. A wonderful daily devotional that ends with a guided meditation.

*Go to a yoga class. Many studios have a light yoga and guided meditation time. Yoga and mindfulness go hand in hand.

*If you happen to drive to work – drive in complete and utter silence. I know right!! WOW Crazy. Try it – its amazing. Silence is freaking mind blowing and mind opening.

Mindfulness works. It is a quieting of our world and mind in order to help us find deeper meaning, gratitude, peace and joy in a world that is not going to stop spinning any time soon. It will be up to us good souls to stop the external spinning by controlling the internal one.

Try it, email me – have a go at it and let me know how it goes 🙂 I am here to help!

With Love, Light and Joy ~

Maria

Why Joy will Stand the Test of Time

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“If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment” ~ C. Santana

Why not choose Happiness?

I often see those signs that say “choose happiness” — well I say choose Joy! Joy is the foundation that will bring you happiness. Happiness is such a wonderful and illicit desire. Yet on it’s own, it can only be attained if the circumstances are ideally matched to one’s desires.

We often think, “I will be happy if my partner loves me, I will be happy when I have that job, I will be happy when I get that promotion, I will be happy when I make a certain salary, when I move to the perfect house, when my kids graduate school…….blah blah blah. Guess what? — not happening. Or it might, but it will be a temporary fix and it will only lead to the wanting of the next thing. Once those things are attained, there will be another thing that you will be waiting for to bring you happiness. Wanting always leads to wanting. It is an absolute truth. A truly joyous spirit will never leave you wanting for it knows that all things come to pass.

Joy is something that grows deep within us. It is not attached to anything outside of ourselves. Joy stands the test of time. It’s foundation is strong as it relies solely on its on resolve. The person who has joy, innately feels a sense of wonder and gratitude. They are able to see the world around them in a bigger and fuller spectrum. Even when life is challenging, they can wake in the morning with a sense of gratitude. They can still appreciate the beauty of a sparrow building a nest. They can still see the beauty of a rainbow after the rain clears. Their heart is joyful even when there is sadness around them. Because, they can easily separate the two because with a clear understanding that life is always going to present moments of sorrow or hardship, but, they also know that most of these things are like a bad season and just as the come to be, they also come to pass.

Tips for achieving a Joyful heart:

* Upon waking, give thanks, for anything and everything. Give thanks that you are awake and your eyes can see the sun streaming in through the window.

* Don’t rush to move but lay quietly and slowly open and close your eyes, scan your body and feel the movement that it allows.

* Meditate, if only for 10 minutes — time for reflection and a sense of quieting the mind soothes the heart and brain.

* If you have a praying practice, use it. Ask for blessings as you start your day.

* Listen to soothing music – such as yoga or meditation music as you prepare for your day. This will bring internal balance and protect you from the noisy chaotic world outside your home.

* Eat healthy and nourishing food.

* Do not engage in negative banter whether at work, with family or friends.

* Grace enters the heart when we open it up.

* Lastly, appreciate yourself. Forgive yourself and others, and just Love.

Sending you — Love, Light and Joy