hope

While we Wait – Live Expectantly

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“Whatever we are waiting for – peace of mind, contentment, grace, the inner awareness of simple abundance – it will surely come to us, but only when we are ready to receive it with an open and grateful heart. ” ~Sarah Ban Breathnach

On a very cold and bright January day long ago, I loaded my giant dog and my car with all that I would need to live in Maine for the winter. Most would say, “ugh, Maine in winter — are you crazy?” But, considering that six months earlier I left my job of 17 years for good, I guess that crazy is a bit my style.

I have loved Maine for so many years. I do believe at the core of my heart, that in another life, that was my home. For every time I visit, I feel this innermost connection. As if every time I arrive, I have come home to a place that I only know to be good and safe.

That being said, Maine welcomed me with a flat tire on that cold sunny day. An hour from my destination I hear the dreaded blup, blup, blup and I knew my tire was way flat. Pulling over on I-95 where the semi’s seem to drive at a 130 mph, I pull over and call my road side assistance. Very sweetly she asks if I can get an Uber (haha) so that they can tow my car to a tire place. Being that I had a horse size dog in my car and I was in the middle of nowhere – uh no! Not to mention that my trunk, where the spare donut was, was filled ever so carefully like a puzzle where all the pieces interconnect, to the absolute brim. So much so, that when I opened the trunk, a bin fell out spilling my bathroom essentials onto I-95. Luckily at that point a state trooper had pulled over and stood behind me so that I could safely unload my trunk allowing the roadside assistance to change my tire.

I was unshaken by all this and the fact that now I was going to be driving on a dark dirt road. As it turns out just off the exit there was a tire place, where they just happened to have one and I say one because its clearly a miracle — one tire that fit my Honda Civic. Oh I forgot to mention that I was driving a Honda Civic, which is not at all conducive to Maine winters but thats a whole other story. My determination to find meaning in my life, yes, yet again, was what drove me. The promise of quiet and time for discernment in the middle of an isolated Peninsula where most of its residents leave for the warmth of Florida, was so alluring that I would not be deterred or mildly discouraged.

You see I went there to find God. Yes, I know he is everywhere and with me all the time but I knew in Maine, where there were no distractions, I would find him waiting for me. Waiting to teach me what I still needed to learn about this year and how taking a leap of faith was simply not enough and it would absolutely not guarantee me anything at all. I knew that in the silence of the tall trees in the forest, the dark grey waters of the ocean, I would hear him. I would hear him and I would also hear my own heart speak to me.

I was waiting, not really sure for what, but I knew there was something and I was expectant.

Since that time in 2018, I have gone back many times, created memories and deep friendships. Living in Maine that winter gave me the space to ground myself and deeply look into what kind of life I wished for. Peaceful that was what I craved and needed. In 2020, I moved to a dirt road in upstate New York, where again I found that life was slower, quieter, more isolated just like in Maine. Moving is something I have done so very often. I don’t enjoy it at all, but every move has prepared me for something in the future. I lived in upstate for a few years and two years ago while just living my life with no expectations, I met a sweet Belgium who was visiting family and friends. We met on Labor Day weekend of 2023. I had gone reluctantly to a dance with a friend (for about a year I had joined a group of people who met weekly for dance lessons), he went to the dance with a friend he was visiting. As soon as he took my hand, I knew that I was supposed to meet and know this man. Then I asked if he lived in the area and he said, “oh no, I live in France.” Well of course I then thought to myself, “maybe I am wrong about this meeting.” I obviously was not deterred by the giant ocean that separated us or the fact that he was going back to France in three days. I asked him to meet for lunch and we had dinner instead on Monday. Two years of dating long distance has brought me to today, my life in France.

On September 15th, international movers came to pick up my life packed into 20 boxes. 20 boxes of all that was left after all of my previous moves. On the 17th, I drove with my dear niece Veronica to Austin, TX in order to spend some time with Jon and Kelsey and give them my car. On September 28th, I flew to France to reunite with Philippe and my dog Jax. Our home is in a small village in the countryside, very similar to where I lived. I know still that in the quiet of my life, is where I meet with God. No longer do I attend church in a building, but I find him in the forest and in the quiet of open fields, in the singing birds and in the people that I love. I find him in the quiet moments in the early morning where the fields are surrounded by fog. I find him when I am cooking, or walking, or reading while my dog sleeps on my lap. I find him and I know that he is always near, no matter where I am.

Life is completely unexpected. While we are living, anything can happen at any given time. When I reflect back on my life, Maine taught me so many lessons. Anything is possible, hold no expectations, don’t be too attached to any one outcome. Just when you think you are settled into a life, and that nothing new will arise, you have a chance meeting in a honky tonk in  community lodge with a stranger from another country and all of a sudden you are living a new chapter of the life you thought was finally settled.

I guess the lesson here is life is never done with teaching us new things, a new language, a new culture, a new home and the ability to start over again and yes, even to fall in love again. May we all have the opportunity to surprise ourselves with the ability to not just start over but to also see how absolutely capable we are at it.

With Love, Light, Joy and deep Hope,

Maria

When the World is broken, you Don’t have to Be!

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“Rather, God has commissioned us as agents of intervention in the midst of a hostile and broken world” ~ Philip Yancey

It is consistently painful hearing and watching the news. It seems like we live in a world where feeling safe, happy or peaceful, is not a reasonable possibility. Catastrophic weather patterns, violence in the name of God or religion. Hatred and disharmony is a way of life.

Being a Christian for many years,  I often want to share the kind of peace I find in just having faith in the unseen, hope in something so much bigger than the world I inhabit. I don’t want to ever be the crazy Christian, screaming my beliefs at people in my life and even less in the subways or streets. I once heard a pastor say “don’t be a crazy Christian, be someone so bright with Gods love that people will feel his love through you.”
I am human and even with so much faith, I often feel overwhelmed with the brokenness of our world. I often feel such enormous sorrow and such a weight at what I see and hear — feeling so helpless in promoting change and making a difference. Wanting so very much to live in a very different world. Somehow, though, I have found a way to stay positive and even spread a bit of it.

There is an internal peace that I carry. A shield of armor that allows me to walk and live with a light, loving and grace filled heart.

I can only explain that it comes from God. There is a grace of peace that comes from knowing him and knowing that I am cared for and protected. He gives me the ability to speak the language of love and in doing so, I am able to share it.

Whatever you believe in my loves, let the unknown mercy of something bigger than yourself give you hope. I speak to many who believe and many who don’t and even some who believe in something –but are just not sure what that something is. The one consistent thing I see, is that those who believe in God or something bigger than what is seen, tend to be less anxious, handle difficult times with more ease and typically tend to maintain an attitude of hope and positivity.

Being a Christian does not spare you from feeling lost, scared or even helpless. I have to work very hard through, prayer, meditation, and even in doing good deeds to spare myself these feelings. My dears, this world is not for the weak at heart, we must constantly seek out all our internal hidden ammunition and not surrender to depression and feelings of hopelessness. It is a real challenge — Every. Single. Day. Even for those who are well armed and have a hefty reserve of emotional ammunition, it is challenging.

Here are some things that help connect us to that ammunition:

* Disconnect or decrease the amount of Screen time – Whether it is television or your access to electronics. Bad news is everywhere and it seems that it spreads like wild fire.

* Meditate – lately, I have been using the App Insight Timer (it’s free). You can can do as little as 5 minutes in the early morning (I find it wonderful before the sun comes up) and then 5 minutes before bed (when the sun goes down) — you can meditate as long as you are able to. I have found it useful, to find a quiet place at lunch time and meditate in the middle of the day as well.

* Plug in to some relaxation/yoga music. It helps to ease your mind and reduce negative thoughts.

* Spend time in nature; close your eyes, let your senses reconnect with the earth. Let yourself feel the breeze on your skin, the sun on your face, the sounds of nature sing to you. Hear, smell, feel all that is natural and a gift to us humans.

* If you don’t pray, read a daily healing devotional to start your day and then spend some quiet time reflecting on how you feel and focus on self-love and sending out love. If you pray, make it a daily habit. Not left for just the moments of despair. Praying daily keeps us

* Try to only engage in positive talk with people. Negativity leads to increase heart rate, ill feelings and more negativity.

* With kindness and gentleness, eliminate toxic people from your life. Engage only when absolutely necessary.

* Most importantly, be purposeful and convicted in giving Love, Kindness and Compassion. Give all three with deep generosity.

The world is broken in so many many ways but it does not have to dictate your inner joy or peace. It can pass through you and then you can release it back to the universe. Do not hang on to it. All things come and they go. Be the light in a dark world. Choose to heal the space around you by being a reflection of loving grace and universal compassion. Let it begin and end with you.

With Love, Light and Joy ~

Maria

Why Joy will Stand the Test of Time

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“If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment” ~ C. Santana

Why not choose Happiness?

I often see those signs that say “choose happiness” — well I say choose Joy! Joy is the foundation that will bring you happiness. Happiness is such a wonderful and illicit desire. Yet on it’s own, it can only be attained if the circumstances are ideally matched to one’s desires.

We often think, “I will be happy if my partner loves me, I will be happy when I have that job, I will be happy when I get that promotion, I will be happy when I make a certain salary, when I move to the perfect house, when my kids graduate school…….blah blah blah. Guess what? — not happening. Or it might, but it will be a temporary fix and it will only lead to the wanting of the next thing. Once those things are attained, there will be another thing that you will be waiting for to bring you happiness. Wanting always leads to wanting. It is an absolute truth. A truly joyous spirit will never leave you wanting for it knows that all things come to pass.

Joy is something that grows deep within us. It is not attached to anything outside of ourselves. Joy stands the test of time. It’s foundation is strong as it relies solely on its on resolve. The person who has joy, innately feels a sense of wonder and gratitude. They are able to see the world around them in a bigger and fuller spectrum. Even when life is challenging, they can wake in the morning with a sense of gratitude. They can still appreciate the beauty of a sparrow building a nest. They can still see the beauty of a rainbow after the rain clears. Their heart is joyful even when there is sadness around them. Because, they can easily separate the two because with a clear understanding that life is always going to present moments of sorrow or hardship, but, they also know that most of these things are like a bad season and just as the come to be, they also come to pass.

Tips for achieving a Joyful heart:

* Upon waking, give thanks, for anything and everything. Give thanks that you are awake and your eyes can see the sun streaming in through the window.

* Don’t rush to move but lay quietly and slowly open and close your eyes, scan your body and feel the movement that it allows.

* Meditate, if only for 10 minutes — time for reflection and a sense of quieting the mind soothes the heart and brain.

* If you have a praying practice, use it. Ask for blessings as you start your day.

* Listen to soothing music – such as yoga or meditation music as you prepare for your day. This will bring internal balance and protect you from the noisy chaotic world outside your home.

* Eat healthy and nourishing food.

* Do not engage in negative banter whether at work, with family or friends.

* Grace enters the heart when we open it up.

* Lastly, appreciate yourself. Forgive yourself and others, and just Love.

Sending you — Love, Light and Joy