Joy

While we Wait – Live Expectantly

/ simplepathtojoy / Leave a comment

“Whatever we are waiting for – peace of mind, contentment, grace, the inner awareness of simple abundance – it will surely come to us, but only when we are ready to receive it with an open and grateful heart. ” ~Sarah Ban Breathnach

On a very cold and bright January day long ago, I loaded my giant dog and my car with all that I would need to live in Maine for the winter. Most would say, “ugh, Maine in winter — are you crazy?” But, considering that six months earlier I left my job of 17 years for good, I guess that crazy is a bit my style.

I have loved Maine for so many years. I do believe at the core of my heart, that in another life, that was my home. For every time I visit, I feel this innermost connection. As if every time I arrive, I have come home to a place that I only know to be good and safe.

That being said, Maine welcomed me with a flat tire on that cold sunny day. An hour from my destination I hear the dreaded blup, blup, blup and I knew my tire was way flat. Pulling over on I-95 where the semi’s seem to drive at a 130 mph, I pull over and call my road side assistance. Very sweetly she asks if I can get an Uber (haha) so that they can tow my car to a tire place. Being that I had a horse size dog in my car and I was in the middle of nowhere – uh no! Not to mention that my trunk, where the spare donut was, was filled ever so carefully like a puzzle where all the pieces interconnect, to the absolute brim. So much so, that when I opened the trunk, a bin fell out spilling my bathroom essentials onto I-95. Luckily at that point a state trooper had pulled over and stood behind me so that I could safely unload my trunk allowing the roadside assistance to change my tire.

I was unshaken by all this and the fact that now I was going to be driving on a dark dirt road. As it turns out just off the exit there was a tire place, where they just happened to have one and I say one because its clearly a miracle — one tire that fit my Honda Civic. Oh I forgot to mention that I was driving a Honda Civic, which is not at all conducive to Maine winters but thats a whole other story. My determination to find meaning in my life, yes, yet again, was what drove me. The promise of quiet and time for discernment in the middle of an isolated Peninsula where most of its residents leave for the warmth of Florida, was so alluring that I would not be deterred or mildly discouraged.

You see I went there to find God. Yes, I know he is everywhere and with me all the time but I knew in Maine, where there were no distractions, I would find him waiting for me. Waiting to teach me what I still needed to learn about this year and how taking a leap of faith was simply not enough and it would absolutely not guarantee me anything at all. I knew that in the silence of the tall trees in the forest, the dark grey waters of the ocean, I would hear him. I would hear him and I would also hear my own heart speak to me.

I was waiting, not really sure for what, but I knew there was something and I was expectant.

Since that time in 2018, I have gone back many times, created memories and deep friendships. Living in Maine that winter gave me the space to ground myself and deeply look into what kind of life I wished for. Peaceful that was what I craved and needed. In 2020, I moved to a dirt road in upstate New York, where again I found that life was slower, quieter, more isolated just like in Maine. Moving is something I have done so very often. I don’t enjoy it at all, but every move has prepared me for something in the future. I lived in upstate for a few years and two years ago while just living my life with no expectations, I met a sweet Belgium who was visiting family and friends. We met on Labor Day weekend of 2023. I had gone reluctantly to a dance with a friend (for about a year I had joined a group of people who met weekly for dance lessons), he went to the dance with a friend he was visiting. As soon as he took my hand, I knew that I was supposed to meet and know this man. Then I asked if he lived in the area and he said, “oh no, I live in France.” Well of course I then thought to myself, “maybe I am wrong about this meeting.” I obviously was not deterred by the giant ocean that separated us or the fact that he was going back to France in three days. I asked him to meet for lunch and we had dinner instead on Monday. Two years of dating long distance has brought me to today, my life in France.

On September 15th, international movers came to pick up my life packed into 20 boxes. 20 boxes of all that was left after all of my previous moves. On the 17th, I drove with my dear niece Veronica to Austin, TX in order to spend some time with Jon and Kelsey and give them my car. On September 28th, I flew to France to reunite with Philippe and my dog Jax. Our home is in a small village in the countryside, very similar to where I lived. I know still that in the quiet of my life, is where I meet with God. No longer do I attend church in a building, but I find him in the forest and in the quiet of open fields, in the singing birds and in the people that I love. I find him in the quiet moments in the early morning where the fields are surrounded by fog. I find him when I am cooking, or walking, or reading while my dog sleeps on my lap. I find him and I know that he is always near, no matter where I am.

Life is completely unexpected. While we are living, anything can happen at any given time. When I reflect back on my life, Maine taught me so many lessons. Anything is possible, hold no expectations, don’t be too attached to any one outcome. Just when you think you are settled into a life, and that nothing new will arise, you have a chance meeting in a honky tonk in  community lodge with a stranger from another country and all of a sudden you are living a new chapter of the life you thought was finally settled.

I guess the lesson here is life is never done with teaching us new things, a new language, a new culture, a new home and the ability to start over again and yes, even to fall in love again. May we all have the opportunity to surprise ourselves with the ability to not just start over but to also see how absolutely capable we are at it.

With Love, Light, Joy and deep Hope,

Maria

Why are we so Distracted? Is time not Precious?

/ simplepathtojoy / Leave a comment

“Be aware when distractions come your way. You’ll know its a distraction when you stop doing what you’re supposed to be doing and find yourself pondering things that have NO value .” ~ Beverly R. Imes

I love talking to my parents and hearing stories of their childhood and even mine. The stories seem centered on solid memories of family and history. None of those conversations include talks about Facebook, Instagram or any other social media.  Long talks sitting around the kitchen table, perhaps looking at old photos and telling stories that I’ve never heard before. These moments are treasured. It is such an intimacy to sit and talk without the television blaring or screens to look at. There is a simplicity about just sitting and talking. Looking at each other; laughter ensuing from just being able to relate.

There’s this look that I like to refer to as the “Zombie Stare” — I saw it in the young children at school when I would speak to them and they had to tear their eyes away from the Ipad screen. I see it on the subway when a whole row of people are staring down at their phones and dreamily look up to see if they’ve missed their stop.

The Zombie Stare; a look that’s disconnected from the reality around them, so deep in its hold, that when shaken from it, it’s as if the person has been in a mild fugue state.

Distractions are everywhere. Not just on our screens. They are in the noise that we cannot filter in order to sustain our attention. Whether it’s the clutter in a room or your desk, whether it’s the gossip circulating around you that you’ve become a part of, whether it’s the drama surrounding a situation that might or might not be yours, whether it’s the global chaos that keeps you awake at night, its all distraction. Some of us are so distracted that even silence is distracting. But, distraction is also escapism. Escaping some truth. Escaping a task that we must deal with but want to run away from.

Our minds are filled with clutter. Mine is too, that’s why I try to be intentional about my daily routine because if I am not intentional, it becomes a sea of mush. Getting nothing done or starting projects that get left half done. It is really quite easy to get lost in the dark hole of distraction and miss entire chunks of time. I’ve lived it! I find that the more time one has, the more apt we can be at losing huge amounts of time. This is why being intentional with our daily routine is imperative. Maintaining a schedule and sticking to it is a healthy and anxiety reducing time tracker. I am infinitely more productive when I set up a schedule and stick with it. I get way more done. Even jotting down a time frame for a visit with my mom lends for a sweeter visit because my focus is entirely on my time with her, it is not interrupted by thoughts of going to the market or doing laundry. I get to relish just sitting with her, holding her aging hands and just being grateful that I can.

I want to be present and I am pretty sure you all want the same. Distraction is not pleasant; it can be frustrating and run us ragged. But, the truth is we are are so so easily distracted, it doesn’t even take that much effort, it doesn’t even have to be anything that is fun and even worth it. We are just a distracted nation. I feel it the most when I travel and I see how in smaller towns or countries for that matter, people seem more attentive. People seem more grounded and open to conversation. I am currently in Maine, not much going on here. Winter is the quietest time. Whenever I take my dog Jax for a walk we undoubtedly bump into someone walking their pet; no one is on their phone. Most take the time to say hello and have a conversation. They want to know where you are from and how you got here. I love the simplicity of small towns. I love the quiet of the woods and the country roads. I love that it allows my brain to be quiet. To hear the sounds of nature and the quiet of the night.

Wouldn’t it be lovely, to just be. To be in a moment. To hear the sounds of nature. To spend time with family just holding them in with your heart. To be aware of your own breathing and the sound of your heart. Wouldn’t it be lovely to turn down those distractions in order to be present for the everyday small moments that happen virtually in a split second.

This morning I was sitting in a chair by the window, just quietly having my coffee and there before me was a red tailed fox, just trotting along quietly. The fox, so focused on his surroundings, unaware that I was invading his day. What a treat it was just to watch him and do nothing else, but sit in awe at the stunning beauty that he was.

Sometimes, for me, the distraction is too much time and how to fill it. A schedule can be helpful and grounding. What are your distractions? Can you work around them to find new focus? How can you find balance and focus for the stuff that is really important to you? I suggest start out by clearing the clutter, making a schedule, and being intentional about keeping it sacred. The more time we have, the more of it to be wasted. The dark hole of Instagram can be very alluring, but it’s also watching someone else’s life, instead of living your own. I am not saying that there are not great ideas and thoughts out there, but be careful about being sucked into the black hole.

The world is full of chaos, so much distraction in all the wrong places. Let us be intentional about living and about being present to real life dilemmas. There is so much we can do with our wasted and precious time. Use it to help others, to give back, to do something ……. meaningful.

With Love, Light and JOY ~

Maria

 

The Unseen Truths about Social Media

/ simplepathtojoy / Leave a comment

“Our social tools are not an improvement to modern society, they are a challenge to it.”
― Clay Shirky

The comparison game– we all do it. There is no better place to compare our lives and all it’s lacking, than through social media. But, there is a bigger truth, the one we can all reasonably admit to — social media is an escape. We all want to escape. It is the place where we can present our best selves and our best life. It is a place that allows us to fantasize about what our life would be like….if only. But, is this the place where we want our truth and value to come from?

I recently watched my dear and beautiful friend, author and fashion guru, Annmarie O’Connor do a TED Talk. She discusses Satisfaction vs. Happiness. It was so genuinely spot on. With enormous, wit, humor and compassion, she challenges us to really think about what it is that makes us happy? And…..what is wrong with just being satisfied!

In reflection, the thought of what social media promotes sits with me. It promotes this idea of falsehoods, not by the sharer but by those watching from the outside. We only see as far as the eye can see and that is usually a happy and joyful photo. Occasionally we see the other side of that truth;  sorrow, illness, and even death. But, for the most part it is the place of unspoken truths. I mean, really, why would anyone want to visit Facebook just to see doom and gloom?! It would be a terrible failure and huge disappointment.

The truth is,  those photos only tell you a minuscule part of the story. We, all of us, carry burdens, We carry sad stories. We carry lost love. We carry loneliness. We carry financial problems. We carry illness. Not all the time and not every single person. But, if you are human, trust me, you carry something that will at some point make your heart heavy. And, this is what true living is. Those photos are captured snipets of joy. There are wonderful moments of joy, but it is not the reality of our lives at every turn.

In moments of challenges dear friends, stay off social media, it will only make you feel worse because some how, by that small statement or photo, you will conjure up a story much greater than the fact that it is just that — a small moment . Do not compare your life to that unseen truth. Because, when we are feeling down or bummed or less than or lonely, social media will do its very best to make you feel worse.

I can honestly tell you, as humans we all have those moments of misery and of joy. None of us is exempt from life and its erratic ups and downs. We cannot escape what is part of being human. It is human to feel sorrow, loneliness, self-doubt, fear, and all those other lovely things we suffer on this earth. But, we also know the flip side and that is,  satisfaction with a life well lived. A life well lived looks differently for each and everyone of us.

You cannot possibly win the race of your life, if you are continually checking to your right and left to see how your opponent is doing. When that gun goes off, if you are only focused on those to the right and left of you, and how well they all seem to be doing, you are bound to lose the only race that matters and that is the race with yourself.

Be generous with your perception of what it means to have a good life. Take a good look and see just how much grace is in your life. It may not look like any one else’s life, but you may never know how someone else, looking at yours may be wishing for some of your beautiful grace.

With Love, Light and Joy~

Maria

The Story you tell Yourself Matters!

/ simplepathtojoy / Leave a comment

“We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out.”
~Winston Churchill

Words matter. They can build or destroy. It is truly our choice the language we choose to use. Choose your words wisely my dears.

The other day I was was at a public pool and while in the changing room a harried mom said to her seven year old “you are so stupid” — it hurt me to the core. I flinched at the ferociousness of her words as if I was that seven your old. I could not help but say with tears in my eyes and a gentle tone to the mom “words matter” and she said to her daughter “well you must be stupid because you can’t get it right. The mother just rolled her eyes at me. My heart snapped in two as her friend or companion looked at me and mouthed embarrassingly “I know”, as we both understood and felt the damage that was being created right before our eyes. A future story that had no truth in it but would feel like the truth for years to come.

This brings me back to this little angel girl. She will not forget those words as long as she lives. They will be who she might even become. They will dictate her own language and the way she see’s herself in this enormous world.

What story will she tell the world?

It is a story I have heard so many times. From students, clients, family members and friends. It is even a story I have told myself and have heard my son speak. It’s the story of failure, self-deprecation and inflicted wounds of the soul.

The good news is my dear sweet souls — we can change this story. Yes, it’s true and it’s not that hard to do. The power of our words is equally great on the flip side of our beliefs. We have the power to change our story at any time of our lives and as many times as we want. I have a young client who recently told me she is dating this wonderfully handsome and kind young man. She doesn’t trust it. Or, better yet she doesn’t trust herself in it. She was sharing how when she is enjoying time with him, she is filled with self-doubt which leads to doubting his true feelings for her. He, of course knows none of these thoughts and goes about happily as she is filled with anxiety and doubt. Her story, as she tells it; “well you know he is so great and I am just a weirdo with social anxiety and I am pretty sure he will figure it out soon, so I may as well run away before he does!” All this self created. Somewhere along the way she learned this idea and just cannot shake it off. Not only can she not shake it off, she is clothed in it head to toe.

Her true story; she is one of the most beautiful, smartest, kindest souls I’ve ever met. She is eloquent and has depth and a wonderful sense of humor. But, her other story is the one that she see’s as her true story and that is what we work on…….Changing her story. That night, after having left him in a moment of panic, I encouraged her to change her story. To tell herself the story where she is lovely and smart and beautiful. She tried it and called him and invited herself to visit him and he was overjoyed and welcoming. Changing her story allowed for a different outcome. One that she could not imagine. And just like that, she is now telling herself another story each and every time. She continues to practice this theory and she says that to her surprise the outcome is usually a positive one and though she is often filled with anxiety, she continues to work on changing her negative story to a positive one.

Practice:

* When telling yourself a story, ask yourself is this story furthering or not?
* Will this story make for a positive outcome?
* Will this story fill me with love or loathing?
* Will this story produce good feelings or sick feelings?
* Will this story enhance or deter?
* Will this story build dreams or destroy them?

We are creatures of habit and sadly not all good ones. But, we also have a huge capacity for learning, building and starting over. It is NEVER too late to change your story my friend. I do it almost daily and so can you. I believe in you!

Dare to change your story and see what magic can happen!

With Love, Light and Joy ~

Maria

Mindfulness for Healing

/ simplepathtojoy / Leave a comment

“The key to knowing joy is being easily pleased.”
― Mark Nepo

What is all the rage with Mindfulness?!

The truth is that mindfulness is nothing new. Buddhist and yogis everywhere  have been practicing mindfulness far longer, than the “now” trendy groups, want to admit . It is not a new “thing” it is in fact an ancient practice — it just seems that we are now understanding just how very much we need it. Therapists, like myself, and wellness centers across the nation, are observing the longing for a centeredness and groundedness.

Our world is spinning at a rapid speed and so is our mind. We live in a constant galaxy of stimulus coming at us. With technology at our literal fingertips all day long, we are at a constant hyper alert to all that goes on around us. No longer do we commute and just wait to go home and turn on our television to find out what is happening in the world — it is in our face all the time, as we travel about our day. We set up alerts for everything, news, calendars, dates, emails,Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, even alerts to visit or call our parents etc… There is no more waiting to be in the know. We cannot escape it! We don’t speak to people to know what is going on in their lives — we just look at their Facebook and decide which of the icons we want to press….like, love, wow or sad, without ever really having to speak to anyone.

What?!!! Mindfulness?!!! Where?!!!

So let me slow you down for a bit.  Put your phone down, turn off the television or radio. Look around you, what do you see? What do you smell? What do you hear?

Stop holding your breath and just breathe.

As much as we enjoy and find benefits to our ability to have things quickly and immediately, we are all suffering from sensory and stimulus overload. Suffering an increase in anxiety that is causing us to say, “what is happening?” We are exhausted, anxious, and always in a rush. Overloaded calendars with little time dedicated to the self. So, there is mindfulness.

What exactly is it?

mind·ful·ness
ˈmīn(d)f(ə)lnəs/
noun
1.
the quality or state of being conscious or aware of something.
“their mindfulness of the wider cinematic tradition”
2.
a mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.

Many people are utilizing this tool as a means of bringing a sense of calm and order to their lives. Understanding that life cannot be stopped but that we, as individuals, can stop ourselves in order to catch our breath, regroup, find stability, and focus.

You don’t have to run out and find a mindfulness center or a therapist, but it helps to have some one guide you as to the principles, especially if you are not familiar with this method of finding ground and center.

There are simple ways to start:

*There are several Apps ( yes, I hate to say it – on your phone or iPad) such as Calm, OMG meditate, bNirvana. All guided meditation. Many are free and there are many more. Starting with just a few minutes in the morning is helpful. Please don’t think you have to twist yourself into a chanting pretzel for an hour (leg cramps, stiffness, and pain are a real thing – seriously!) Start slow. The point is to do it gradually so you enjoy it and want to return to it.

*Start your day reading a meditative devotional. One of my personal favorites, Mark Nepo’s The Book of Awakening. A wonderful daily devotional that ends with a guided meditation.

*Go to a yoga class. Many studios have a light yoga and guided meditation time. Yoga and mindfulness go hand in hand.

*If you happen to drive to work – drive in complete and utter silence. I know right!! WOW Crazy. Try it – its amazing. Silence is freaking mind blowing and mind opening.

Mindfulness works. It is a quieting of our world and mind in order to help us find deeper meaning, gratitude, peace and joy in a world that is not going to stop spinning any time soon. It will be up to us good souls to stop the external spinning by controlling the internal one.

Try it, email me – have a go at it and let me know how it goes 🙂 I am here to help!

With Love, Light and Joy ~

Maria