life lessons

While we Wait – Live Expectantly

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“Whatever we are waiting for – peace of mind, contentment, grace, the inner awareness of simple abundance – it will surely come to us, but only when we are ready to receive it with an open and grateful heart. ” ~Sarah Ban Breathnach

On a very cold and bright January day long ago, I loaded my giant dog and my car with all that I would need to live in Maine for the winter. Most would say, “ugh, Maine in winter — are you crazy?” But, considering that six months earlier I left my job of 17 years for good, I guess that crazy is a bit my style.

I have loved Maine for so many years. I do believe at the core of my heart, that in another life, that was my home. For every time I visit, I feel this innermost connection. As if every time I arrive, I have come home to a place that I only know to be good and safe.

That being said, Maine welcomed me with a flat tire on that cold sunny day. An hour from my destination I hear the dreaded blup, blup, blup and I knew my tire was way flat. Pulling over on I-95 where the semi’s seem to drive at a 130 mph, I pull over and call my road side assistance. Very sweetly she asks if I can get an Uber (haha) so that they can tow my car to a tire place. Being that I had a horse size dog in my car and I was in the middle of nowhere – uh no! Not to mention that my trunk, where the spare donut was, was filled ever so carefully like a puzzle where all the pieces interconnect, to the absolute brim. So much so, that when I opened the trunk, a bin fell out spilling my bathroom essentials onto I-95. Luckily at that point a state trooper had pulled over and stood behind me so that I could safely unload my trunk allowing the roadside assistance to change my tire.

I was unshaken by all this and the fact that now I was going to be driving on a dark dirt road. As it turns out just off the exit there was a tire place, where they just happened to have one and I say one because its clearly a miracle — one tire that fit my Honda Civic. Oh I forgot to mention that I was driving a Honda Civic, which is not at all conducive to Maine winters but thats a whole other story. My determination to find meaning in my life, yes, yet again, was what drove me. The promise of quiet and time for discernment in the middle of an isolated Peninsula where most of its residents leave for the warmth of Florida, was so alluring that I would not be deterred or mildly discouraged.

You see I went there to find God. Yes, I know he is everywhere and with me all the time but I knew in Maine, where there were no distractions, I would find him waiting for me. Waiting to teach me what I still needed to learn about this year and how taking a leap of faith was simply not enough and it would absolutely not guarantee me anything at all. I knew that in the silence of the tall trees in the forest, the dark grey waters of the ocean, I would hear him. I would hear him and I would also hear my own heart speak to me.

I was waiting, not really sure for what, but I knew there was something and I was expectant.

Since that time in 2018, I have gone back many times, created memories and deep friendships. Living in Maine that winter gave me the space to ground myself and deeply look into what kind of life I wished for. Peaceful that was what I craved and needed. In 2020, I moved to a dirt road in upstate New York, where again I found that life was slower, quieter, more isolated just like in Maine. Moving is something I have done so very often. I don’t enjoy it at all, but every move has prepared me for something in the future. I lived in upstate for a few years and two years ago while just living my life with no expectations, I met a sweet Belgium who was visiting family and friends. We met on Labor Day weekend of 2023. I had gone reluctantly to a dance with a friend (for about a year I had joined a group of people who met weekly for dance lessons), he went to the dance with a friend he was visiting. As soon as he took my hand, I knew that I was supposed to meet and know this man. Then I asked if he lived in the area and he said, “oh no, I live in France.” Well of course I then thought to myself, “maybe I am wrong about this meeting.” I obviously was not deterred by the giant ocean that separated us or the fact that he was going back to France in three days. I asked him to meet for lunch and we had dinner instead on Monday. Two years of dating long distance has brought me to today, my life in France.

On September 15th, international movers came to pick up my life packed into 20 boxes. 20 boxes of all that was left after all of my previous moves. On the 17th, I drove with my dear niece Veronica to Austin, TX in order to spend some time with Jon and Kelsey and give them my car. On September 28th, I flew to France to reunite with Philippe and my dog Jax. Our home is in a small village in the countryside, very similar to where I lived. I know still that in the quiet of my life, is where I meet with God. No longer do I attend church in a building, but I find him in the forest and in the quiet of open fields, in the singing birds and in the people that I love. I find him in the quiet moments in the early morning where the fields are surrounded by fog. I find him when I am cooking, or walking, or reading while my dog sleeps on my lap. I find him and I know that he is always near, no matter where I am.

Life is completely unexpected. While we are living, anything can happen at any given time. When I reflect back on my life, Maine taught me so many lessons. Anything is possible, hold no expectations, don’t be too attached to any one outcome. Just when you think you are settled into a life, and that nothing new will arise, you have a chance meeting in a honky tonk in  community lodge with a stranger from another country and all of a sudden you are living a new chapter of the life you thought was finally settled.

I guess the lesson here is life is never done with teaching us new things, a new language, a new culture, a new home and the ability to start over again and yes, even to fall in love again. May we all have the opportunity to surprise ourselves with the ability to not just start over but to also see how absolutely capable we are at it.

With Love, Light, Joy and deep Hope,

Maria

Why are we so Distracted? Is time not Precious?

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“Be aware when distractions come your way. You’ll know its a distraction when you stop doing what you’re supposed to be doing and find yourself pondering things that have NO value .” ~ Beverly R. Imes

I love talking to my parents and hearing stories of their childhood and even mine. The stories seem centered on solid memories of family and history. None of those conversations include talks about Facebook, Instagram or any other social media.  Long talks sitting around the kitchen table, perhaps looking at old photos and telling stories that I’ve never heard before. These moments are treasured. It is such an intimacy to sit and talk without the television blaring or screens to look at. There is a simplicity about just sitting and talking. Looking at each other; laughter ensuing from just being able to relate.

There’s this look that I like to refer to as the “Zombie Stare” — I saw it in the young children at school when I would speak to them and they had to tear their eyes away from the Ipad screen. I see it on the subway when a whole row of people are staring down at their phones and dreamily look up to see if they’ve missed their stop.

The Zombie Stare; a look that’s disconnected from the reality around them, so deep in its hold, that when shaken from it, it’s as if the person has been in a mild fugue state.

Distractions are everywhere. Not just on our screens. They are in the noise that we cannot filter in order to sustain our attention. Whether it’s the clutter in a room or your desk, whether it’s the gossip circulating around you that you’ve become a part of, whether it’s the drama surrounding a situation that might or might not be yours, whether it’s the global chaos that keeps you awake at night, its all distraction. Some of us are so distracted that even silence is distracting. But, distraction is also escapism. Escaping some truth. Escaping a task that we must deal with but want to run away from.

Our minds are filled with clutter. Mine is too, that’s why I try to be intentional about my daily routine because if I am not intentional, it becomes a sea of mush. Getting nothing done or starting projects that get left half done. It is really quite easy to get lost in the dark hole of distraction and miss entire chunks of time. I’ve lived it! I find that the more time one has, the more apt we can be at losing huge amounts of time. This is why being intentional with our daily routine is imperative. Maintaining a schedule and sticking to it is a healthy and anxiety reducing time tracker. I am infinitely more productive when I set up a schedule and stick with it. I get way more done. Even jotting down a time frame for a visit with my mom lends for a sweeter visit because my focus is entirely on my time with her, it is not interrupted by thoughts of going to the market or doing laundry. I get to relish just sitting with her, holding her aging hands and just being grateful that I can.

I want to be present and I am pretty sure you all want the same. Distraction is not pleasant; it can be frustrating and run us ragged. But, the truth is we are are so so easily distracted, it doesn’t even take that much effort, it doesn’t even have to be anything that is fun and even worth it. We are just a distracted nation. I feel it the most when I travel and I see how in smaller towns or countries for that matter, people seem more attentive. People seem more grounded and open to conversation. I am currently in Maine, not much going on here. Winter is the quietest time. Whenever I take my dog Jax for a walk we undoubtedly bump into someone walking their pet; no one is on their phone. Most take the time to say hello and have a conversation. They want to know where you are from and how you got here. I love the simplicity of small towns. I love the quiet of the woods and the country roads. I love that it allows my brain to be quiet. To hear the sounds of nature and the quiet of the night.

Wouldn’t it be lovely, to just be. To be in a moment. To hear the sounds of nature. To spend time with family just holding them in with your heart. To be aware of your own breathing and the sound of your heart. Wouldn’t it be lovely to turn down those distractions in order to be present for the everyday small moments that happen virtually in a split second.

This morning I was sitting in a chair by the window, just quietly having my coffee and there before me was a red tailed fox, just trotting along quietly. The fox, so focused on his surroundings, unaware that I was invading his day. What a treat it was just to watch him and do nothing else, but sit in awe at the stunning beauty that he was.

Sometimes, for me, the distraction is too much time and how to fill it. A schedule can be helpful and grounding. What are your distractions? Can you work around them to find new focus? How can you find balance and focus for the stuff that is really important to you? I suggest start out by clearing the clutter, making a schedule, and being intentional about keeping it sacred. The more time we have, the more of it to be wasted. The dark hole of Instagram can be very alluring, but it’s also watching someone else’s life, instead of living your own. I am not saying that there are not great ideas and thoughts out there, but be careful about being sucked into the black hole.

The world is full of chaos, so much distraction in all the wrong places. Let us be intentional about living and about being present to real life dilemmas. There is so much we can do with our wasted and precious time. Use it to help others, to give back, to do something ……. meaningful.

With Love, Light and JOY ~

Maria

 

Why Joy will Stand the Test of Time

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“If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment” ~ C. Santana

Why not choose Happiness?

I often see those signs that say “choose happiness” — well I say choose Joy! Joy is the foundation that will bring you happiness. Happiness is such a wonderful and illicit desire. Yet on it’s own, it can only be attained if the circumstances are ideally matched to one’s desires.

We often think, “I will be happy if my partner loves me, I will be happy when I have that job, I will be happy when I get that promotion, I will be happy when I make a certain salary, when I move to the perfect house, when my kids graduate school…….blah blah blah. Guess what? — not happening. Or it might, but it will be a temporary fix and it will only lead to the wanting of the next thing. Once those things are attained, there will be another thing that you will be waiting for to bring you happiness. Wanting always leads to wanting. It is an absolute truth. A truly joyous spirit will never leave you wanting for it knows that all things come to pass.

Joy is something that grows deep within us. It is not attached to anything outside of ourselves. Joy stands the test of time. It’s foundation is strong as it relies solely on its on resolve. The person who has joy, innately feels a sense of wonder and gratitude. They are able to see the world around them in a bigger and fuller spectrum. Even when life is challenging, they can wake in the morning with a sense of gratitude. They can still appreciate the beauty of a sparrow building a nest. They can still see the beauty of a rainbow after the rain clears. Their heart is joyful even when there is sadness around them. Because, they can easily separate the two because with a clear understanding that life is always going to present moments of sorrow or hardship, but, they also know that most of these things are like a bad season and just as the come to be, they also come to pass.

Tips for achieving a Joyful heart:

* Upon waking, give thanks, for anything and everything. Give thanks that you are awake and your eyes can see the sun streaming in through the window.

* Don’t rush to move but lay quietly and slowly open and close your eyes, scan your body and feel the movement that it allows.

* Meditate, if only for 10 minutes — time for reflection and a sense of quieting the mind soothes the heart and brain.

* If you have a praying practice, use it. Ask for blessings as you start your day.

* Listen to soothing music – such as yoga or meditation music as you prepare for your day. This will bring internal balance and protect you from the noisy chaotic world outside your home.

* Eat healthy and nourishing food.

* Do not engage in negative banter whether at work, with family or friends.

* Grace enters the heart when we open it up.

* Lastly, appreciate yourself. Forgive yourself and others, and just Love.

Sending you — Love, Light and Joy